I picked some videos to tell you about my life. Not that is all that important, but its been a ride to be sure. Maybe if somebody sees my mishaps, they might escape some of the same...
Mountain and Valley, Sun and Storm, I have come to understand the simple joy of sitting on the throne next to the Almighty, and taking in a sunset together. Its a wonderful thing. Enjoy.
This song describes my childhood so well its spooky! After years of abuse something snapped. I had a "Jeremy Moment". I guess you could say "Jefferson spoke in class today". The hunted became the hunter and I ran down the group of kids that were beating me up one by one.
I was one of the first "Ritalin Kids". My mother yanked my meds in 6th grade. I found booze in the next couple years; First drinking hers and watering down what was left behind in the house, and drinking the leftovers when the family had get togethers. Finally the big debut; A half gallon of Ancient Age under the bleachers my freshman year in High School. (You say off to the races, I'll say thank-ya!)
This set me up for the slow death of my first marriage. 14 years is torched. Wasn't her fault. I'd gotten deeper and deeper into alcohol over the years. The death of my parents, and some of my closest relatives in a very short time (5 in one year) pushed be over a cliff I was standing far to close to, and I tumbled down into a crevice so deep it blotted out the son. This was me...
I met my current wife in a bar, and as she says, we have a marriage arranged by two drunks. My drinking progressed till, although not quite as old, this was how I felt about 7 Years ago.
Even in the depths there were joys. I love my wife, and even in my drunken stupor I managed to help her win time with her children. I quickly came to love them as my own. In the words of the immortal Johnny Bravo, "We So Pretty!" My well blended family of kids! It isn't always easy but usually very interesting.
I went to the hospital in November, 2002, with a pulse over 150. They couldn't get it to slow down, and told my wife if I didn't begin to respond to the meds quickly I'd die. Finally all of the abuse and lack of nutrition was paying me back. (Who'd of thought the olives in a Beefeaters Over didn't count as veggies. Then again there was Celery in the Bloody Mary, potatoes in the vodka, grains in the whiskey etc... but it availed me not.) The drugs messed up my head a little while, and although I'm a tall lanky guy, but when I get mad... I scare people. I don't know if its from the military, or martial arts, or the stuff I went through as a kid, but it's like I'm on that cold craggy mountain top, where the winds howls. Its a cold desolate place, but I'm quite comfy, and people can tell. It makes them uncomfortable. The medical staff didn't spend a lot of time in my room.
Once you've been in through detox, you end up at kind of a crossroads. Its very confusing. You're not sure who you are or who you want to be. You just know you want to be somebody better then you were.
The first step in changing is to take a hard look at who I had become. The best way I can describe it is I had given the key to me over to somebody else, and I was alone for the ride. I would sleep for a while, wake up and try to give some directions, then fall back asleep. I woke up far from anywhere I knew, and without a way back. I had a DUI years 10 years ago, and while I didn't kill anyone, it is one of the low moments of my life. Whenever I have been at the end of the rope, and about to drink again, I make my self remember the bad thinks, like driving drunk, and it helps my resolve. If anyone reads this, I gotta tell ya this is just the tip of the iceberg. I have sunk to low everywhere was up. If you stuck on the ride, and want to get off of it, don't worry that I would judge anything you did. I guarantee I got ya beat. Anyone who wants to, let me know, and I'll do what I can to help ya get started at getting stopped.
And so then, come to the end of my efforts, with nothing left to throw into the fray... hopeless and fallen, I found a hand, extended to me that had been there through it all, hidden by my errant pride and self will. I didn't escape alcoholism, I was paroled by command of the King. God took my shame and failure, and nailed it to the cross. I imagine it was written on the back of the sign that said "King of the Jews", just in very small print. It has to be small. The sins of the world are nailed there.
And so until today... God is so good!!,
